Speaking of holding him... over Thanksgiving, my family (mother, aunt, cousin...) made it clear that they thought I was in for big trouble later down the line because Finley is so attached to me. My mom explained to them, "She's doing a new style of parenting called 'Attachment Parenting." This remark was followed by raised brows and slight eye rolls. My aunt said, "You need to expose this child to other people, put him in Mother's Day Out. What would happen if you had to go to the hospital, he'd be traumatized?!?" All of this talk was a result of the fact that Finley didn't enjoy being held by strangers. Every time someone would want to hold him, he'd go to them reluctantly, and then look at me as if to say, "Who is this person and why do they have to hold me, I want you!?!" He'd last about 2.5 seconds before practically flying back into my arms. Then on come the disapproving comments about me needing to put that baby down, let him cry, get used to other people, and socialize him more. Really? It's hard for me to explain myself without potentially offending these experienced moms. So I just say that I've read that it's perfectly normal for a child his age to be attached to his mother. If they're not then something is wrong- a proper bond hasn't been formed, and I'm sure all of their kids went through a stage like that, they just don't remember. They were all like- huh, no way, He's bad! Well, I appreciate the concern, however I'm puzzled by everyone thinking it is appropriate to comment on my physical and emotional bond with my child. I know that they all mean well but how is my relationship with my child any business of theirs? You don't ever hear people say to moms- pick up your baby, he needs to be held. It's always the opposite. Are people really worried that I will have an 8 year old hanging on to me having a fit every time I walk out of the room? Do people forget so soon after their kids are grown what it was like? Do they forget that just a few short months ago, he was living in my body? I was his home. Now every day he sees and experiences something new and exciting. He learns more about his body and what he is capable of. The world is an unfolding mystery. I am the only constant. I am what makes him feel safe and free to explore. Of course he is clingy when he feels uncomfortable in a new place with new people!
For the record, Attachment Parenting does not mean you get your child so attached to you alone that he becomes an anti-social wimp. It is quite the opposite. And it's not just about holding your kid all day.
There are 8 principles of Attachment Parenting.
1. Prepare for Pregnancy, Birth, and Parenting
2. Feed with Love and Respect
3. Respond with Sensitivity
4. Use Nurturing Touch
5. Ensure Safe Sleep, Physically and Emotionally
6. Provide Consistent and Loving Care
7. Practice Positive Discipline
8. Strive for Balance in Personal and Family Life
http://www.attachmentparenting.org/principles/principles.php
I found that these 8 principals were right on with what I already had as my own ideals. I do not particularly like to label myself but find it useful when describing my intended parenting style. I did not know that there was a term for my beliefs until I began browsing books and the internet. So if you want to call me an "attachment parent" then that's perfectly fine. But I call myself a mom who wants to raise an affectionate, compassionate, emotionally stable, strong man.
Posts
